Confession is Good for the Soul

I can't help myself. It's a compulsion. I cheat at Uno. Every. Single. Time.

I'm ashamed of myself each time I do it, but that doesn't stop me. Strangely enough, I'm not a particularly competitive person. If I win, that's nice; if I don't, no biggie. Ask me thirty minutes after any board or card game if I won, and chances are I won't remember.

The thing is, I'm a usually a decent person. I don't cheat at Trivial Pursuit (although there have been accusations by the odd bitter loser), poker, checkers, spades, or hopscotch. I've never cheated on my man or my taxes. It's just Uno.

I don't know why I'm compelled to create a distraction and put down a whole wad o' cards (instead of the requisite one) when I'm behind in an Uno game--maybe it's just that it's too easy to get away with it. I've always been a fan of getting away with stuff (just ask my parents), so maybe that's it. All I know is, it doesn't matter who I'm playing against, I'm gonna cheat. My sweet grandmother, a cherubic 8 year-old, my best friend, my brother (who is so generous and tender-hearted he's more likely to cheat to lose than to win), strangers on a train...I'm gonna cheat at Uno.

I'm not proud of it. It's an addiction. I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm incapable of playing Uno and not cheating around 1997. Since then, I've gone Uno-Cold-Turkey. If I can't be the kind of person who doesn't cheat at Uno, then I have to be the kind of person who refuses to play Uno.

Consider yourself warned: if you feel compelled to force me to join your Uno game, I WILL cheat.