Why Do I Do This To Myself?

When I go to a restaurant, it's generally because I am in the mood for a certain item on that restaurant's menu. I don't go to Olive Garden for Italian food, I go to Olive Garden when I'm in the mood for their Zuppa Toscano or Shrimp Alfredo or (most often) Tiramisu. I don't go to Wendy's for fast food, I go to Wendy's for the Spicy Chicken Sandwich and fries dipped in a Frosty.

See where I'm going with this?

I go to a specific restaurant to order a specific item. If I go to a restaurant and am somehow enticed (darn you artful pictures of succulent new menu items, darn you to heck!) to order something other than the thing I go to that restaurant to eat, I am rarely happy with the results. This causes particular and lasting angst when a restaurant takes the one and only thing I like off the menu--when that happens, I rarely darken their door again. I'm looking at you, Johnny Carino's--that Spinach Artichoke Dip was the best thing you ever put on your menu, and you took it away without warning. You're dead to me, Johnny!

Today, I did it again. I went to Chili's for lunch. I should have ordered the Triple Play with no Chicken Crispers and extra Southwestern Eggrolls like I always do, but I was seduced away by a sexy new Mexican menu. The Tres Amigos platter looked so delicious and alluring, glistening there at the top of the special menu. The idea of Cheese Taquitos took my breath away! And Chipotle Shrimp Scampi--sounds like my kind of meal, it does. So I throw caution to the wind, push my old habits aside, and recklessly order the Tres Amigos--with no pico de gallo on my Margarita Chicken, since raw onions are gross and cilantro is only good in moderation. The sizzling plate full of Tres Amigo adventure arrives at my table, and I spare only a single longing gaze for my old love, the Triple Play, sitting across the table in front of Ty (he always copies me, it's a little brother thing). Gazing lustily at my new lunch time friend, I'm proud of myself for branching out...until I take the first bite. Why, oh, why did I betray my One True Love, the faithfully delicious Triple Play, for this mediocre plate of overcooked shrimp and rubbery chicken with too much Liquid Smoke? The Cheese Taquitos were only marginally better than average, and suffered from some chef's inability to accept the fact that cheese needs no embellishments (particularly additions from the onion family). The cheese stands alone!

I stand here before you today and renew my vows with my One True Love, the Triple Play. Triple Play, you have been faithful when I was not. You have never betrayed me with a lack of tasty goodness, never left me wanting anything more or better. You satisfy me completely, just as you are. I will never again stray. Now I know that the grass is never greener on the other side. You are my True Companion, Triple Play. And I will love, honor, and cherish you as long as we both shall live. (Or until my doctor tells me I have high cholesterol.)

A side note: more proof that Ty is the best brother ever--he gave me two of his Southwest Eggrolls. I suspect this was because he couldn't stand any more of my staring and drooling, but that is neither here nor there. He shared part of his Triple Play with me, and for that he deserves a parade. (But no clowns allowed, since he's scared of clowns.)