Practically Perfect in Every Way

I only got to watch the last half of the first episode, but I can confidently state that VH1 has achieved television perfection. If you are not watching America's Most Smartest Model, you are not living up to your potential as a human being.

Here are the top ten reasons that America's Most Smartest Model is the best show ever:

1.) Most of the male models are really, really ridiculously good looking. AND dumber than a bag of hammers. The perfect combination! (That was a joke, don't call me a man-hater.)

2.) Most of the female models are butterfaces. (That means that they might have nice, albeit too thin, model bodies, but their faces are "Ewwww!") It's kind of nice to watch a show about models and be able to think, "You know if I stopped watching all this TV and exercised a little, I could lose weight and be at least as attractive as some of these models."

3.) These women are supposedly runway models and half of them are about as graceful on the catwalk in their high heels as a hippopotamus would be...if it was pregnant and wearing high heels. Somebody is either going to break an ankle or fall off the runway--or both.

4.) One of the judges is Ben Stein! BEN STEIN! I want to marry him and have his super-smart, deadpan babies. (Don't tell Steve.)

5.) There is a lot of tension in the co-ed house. Judging from the season previews, there are a lot of arguments on the horizon. I don't know if you've noticed this, but watching stupid people engaged in a battle of wits is hilarious.

6.) At the end of the show, the models who aren't cutting it get sent packing. They aren't "voted off the island." They aren't "eliminated." They aren't "fired." They are "purged." (Models purge. Get it? Get it? Well, I bet they don't!)

7.) During one of tonight's competitions, one of the models was told she must name as many Things That Are Round as she could as she walked the runway. She proceeded to repeat "Balls, Cherries, Balloons, Tires" over and over as she clomped around the catwalk. AND SHE GOT TO STAY IN THE COMPETITION! Yes, there were at least two people who were worse than the "Balls, Cherries, Balloons, Tires" girl. Awesome.

8.) It's like a real life Zoolander, but without the tiresome brainwashing storyline to muck up the awesome-itude. (I bet none of these dufuses can go left.)

10.) It's a show about models that is guaranteed to improve your self-esteem.





















If you noticed that my top ten list was missing a number, you are smarter than America's Most Smartest Model. Put together. (Yes, that was on purpose too.)

My Dad the Prankster, Part 5

Growing up in San Diego in the 50s, Dad used to ride around in awesome classic cars with big ol' bench seats. Whenever three buddies would drive around together, they'd all just sit in the front seat since there was plenty of room and nobody wanted to be left out because he was sitting in the back.


Dad always tried to sit by the passenger window so he could duck down at traffic lights to make it look like his two buddies were cozily snuggled up together.


Hee!


They also liked to ask the dudes in the car next to them, "Wanna drag?" And when the dudes agreed, Dad would hang a rope out the window and laugh.


I'm pretty sure there was also something about nuns and Zorro, but I don't remember that one for sure.


He's lucky he never got beaten up.