Once upon a time, a lovely, charming, intelligent woman had a dilemma. She had a multitude of a certain type of garment that she could no longer use, and she needed to find a suitable method to reuse or recycle these items. She had a healthy respect for fashionable clothing of all types, and could not bring herself to simply throw these beautiful garments in the garbage. She could not give them to Goodwill or The ARC, as she did her other cast-offs, because these garments were personal and not appropriate for charitable donation.
Whatever could the lovely, charming, intelligent woman do? She mulled, she brainstormed. She puzzled till her puzzler was sore. Then, she had an idea. A wonderful, awful, brilliant idea.
What better way to brighten the dreary life and even drearier abode of an often recalcitrant, slightly chauvinistic, sometimes downright bratty bachelor than to decorate his roofline with a stunning collection of unwanted brassieres? The lovely, charming, intelligent woman even went to the trouble of alternating between white and colorful bras to create an aesthetic effect that would be more pleasing to the eyes of the bachelor's curious, awe-struck neighbors.
The recipient pretended to be shocked and outraged to have his home decorated in cast-off undergarments, but all who knew him realized that his bluster was merely a way to hide his glee at having access to so many beautiful, lacy garments. Furthermore, he secretly knew that the efforts of the lovely, charming, intelligent woman only proved her friendly affection, high-regard, and abiding interest in keeping him in a state of squirming embarrassment. She took his blustering, sputtering outrage as proof of her success.
Of course, being the soul of modesty and discretion, the lovely, charming, intelligent woman disavowed any knowledge or involvement in this charitable project. Afterall, charity is not charity if one receives accolades for one's endeavors.
The lovely, charming, intelligent woman also required a modest silence from her accomplices. Sadly, one of said volunteers was a confidant of a woman (herself lovely, charming, and intelligent in her own right) who harbored a soon-to-be-revealed secret crush on the lucky bachelor. Thus, the secret was unceremoniously revealed. The bachelor was not as gracious as one might have hoped when the time came to thank the lovely, charming, intelligent woman for her creative and generous gift. He was especially indignant when he discovered that one particularly colorful, provocative bra had belonged not to the lovely, charming, intelligent woman, but to her lovely, charming, intelligent mother. He claimed to be scarred for life, but one must assume he eventually recovered.
Two years ago, the lovely, charming, intelligent woman and her lovely, charming, intelligent family attended the bachelor's wedding to the woman who revealed the identities of the individuals involved in the bachelor's urban renewal project. The bachelor and the stool pigeon are by all accounts enjoying a happy, healthy marriage.
Sadly, I must report that their marital abode is not decorated nearly as creatively as the bachelor's house was after the lovely, charming, intelligent woman got finished with it.
*Thanks to Lisa, whose recent post reminded me of another creative use for used bras.
