One Feisty Blog

Background pictures courtesy of Laila

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Talking to Ralph on the Big White Phone: Top 8 Synonyms for Vomitting

Okay, so I know I said that the Top 8 would be a Friday thing, but I'm going to be on a plane most of the day Friday--and the last thing I want to do when I wake up at 4 o'clock on Friday morning is sit in front of the computer. So this Top 8 is better early than never!

I freely admit that I stole this idea from doppelganger over at Great blog, by the way--definitely worth checking out.

So my friends, I'm curious to hear your favorite words/phrases for vomitting. I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours...

1.) Technicolor yawn

2.) Yack

3.) Hurl

4.) Losing my lunch

5.) Blow chunks

6.) Spew

7.) Tossing my cookies

8.) Chunder

I won't be checking in till Wednesday, so you kiddies have plenty of time to finish your homework. (Wouldn't it have been cool if your teacher had let you write an Ode to Barf essay? Or am I just sick? Wait, don't answer that.)

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Celebrity Showdown: Anna Nicole Vs. Courtney

Mirror, mirror on the wall--who is the trashiest of them all?

When you've got two celebrities of this caliber, it's tough to decide which lady is more classy. Or should that be "Klassy"?

I'll leave it up to you, dear readers, to choose the Ultimate Klassy Lady.

First, we have Anna Nicole Smith (not her real name--she was born Vickie Lynn Hogan in Podunk, TX). Single mom-stripper turned geezer billionaire-marrying Playmate, Guess model, reality TV show trainwreck, diet pill spokeswoman, and international punchline.

Then there's Courtney Love (not her real name--she was born Courtney Michelle Harrison, so bonus points for keeping at least one given name). Drug-addled stripper and celebrity stalker turned Hole frontwoman, Cobain widow, poster child for the Say No To Drugs campaign, and woman responsible for single-handedly keeping our courts in business.

Reasons Anna Nicole Should Be The Ultimate Klassy Lady

  • Married at 18 to chicken restaurant co-worker (divorced two years and one unfortunate kid later)
  • Started her show biz career as a stripper
  • Accused of being a gold-digger for marrying 89 year-old billionaire strip club customer (we're sure it was true love)
  • Playboy Playmate of the Year in 1993
  • Sports breast implants that make her look like she's smuggling balloons
  • Lazed and whined her way to a career resurgence as the star of her own trainwreck of a reality show
  • Embarrasses herself, her staff, and her poor teenage son on a daily, if not hourly, basis
  • Gained, then lost 69 pounds with Trim Spa diet pills and now serves as the product's spokeswoman
  • Speech is basically unintelligible due to slurred words and lost trains of thought
  • Claims to be drug-free, but there are a few who doubt this claim (see above)
  • Cleavage-maximizing wardrobe qualifies her for the Tacky Hall of Fame (but at least she didn't wear a tube top to appear before the Supreme Court)
  • Has spent over a decade (and counting) fighting step-son for her dead hubby's money

Reasons Courtney Should Be The Ultimate Klassy Lady

  • Years of ballet lessons served her well during her days as a stripper
  • Doggedly stalked, then married rock icon Kurt Cobain while pregnant with their daughter Frances Bean (Seriously? "Bean?")
  • Was in the process of being divorced by Kurt Cobain when he committed suicide
  • Some theorize that she had a hand in Cobain's death, but that remains an uncorroborated conspiracy theory
  • Part of several rock bands including Babes in Toyland, Sugar Babylon, and Hole
  • Starred in The People Vs. Larry Flynt as the wife of the controversial Hustler pornographer
  • Probably has more assault, disorderly conduct, and drug charges than she has teeth, not to mention financial and child custody problems galore (we suspect a few "social diseases" but wouldn't want to slander her good name)
  • Admits to several cosmetic surgery procedures--some were improvements, but those trout lips? Yikes!
  • Speech is usually unintelligible--precious few words are left after all the profanity is bleeped
  • Might as well make the rehab clinic her permanent address
  • Except for the all-too-brief uber-glam period while she dated Edward Norton, her personal style generally makes her look like a homeless streetwalker in clown makeup, which isn't helped by fact that she usually has more bruises than Carrot Top has freckles
  • Deprived fans of Nirvana boxed set/greatest hits album by feuding with surviving band members for rights for a over a decade
Both of these ladies have worked hard to reach the level of Public Spectacle they have achieved. Which of our girls has done the most to win the title of Ulitimate Klassy Lady? The winner gets the title, the loser joins your family for Thanksgiving Dinner.

Vote now! And be sure to include your reasons for bestowing the crown on your chosen lady.