One Feisty Blog

Background pictures courtesy of Laila

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Who DOES that???

I was chatting with a couple of single girlfriends a while ago, and they both had several stories about people (mostly older relatives) asking them, "So, when are you finally going to get married?"

I can't decide if I'm shocked, amused, or infuriated. It's just baffling.

Seriously, who does that? What is wrong with these people? I'm willing to bet that these are the same people who will scold you for putting your elbows on the table or not sending a thank you card in a timely manner. They're all about the good manners, these types. But it's perfectly okay to ask a single woman over the age of 25 when she's going to finally snag herself a husband and stop languishing away as a spinster? UGH!

What kind of answer do they expect to get from that question? And what kind of answer do you give to that question?

I suppose you could slap your forehead and say, "I knew I forgot something! I'll go find myself a husband right after I pick up my groceries and drop off some clothes at the dry cleaners. Thanks for reminding me."

Or maybe, "Thank you for pouring salt and lemon juice on my open wound. My fiancee, the love of my life, was killed in a tragic knitting accident last week. Since I'll never find another man like Herman, I've decided to become a nun."

Then there's my old standby from my spinster days, "I'm not going to get married. My life's goal is to become the crazy old lady with thirty cats who lives at the end of the block and scares all the neighborhood kids."

I just don't understand why people think this question is anywhere in the neighborhood of appropriate. It's not even in the same universe as appropriate! I mean, why must people persist in assuming that it's impossible to be happy and fulfilled AND single? It's not. I've tried it. It was great! Being married is great, too--but I only think that because I have a good marriage, and I have that because I didn't settle. If I'd accepted the first proposal I received (or the second, or the third, or the forth...), I would have been miserable. Far more miserable than I would have been if I'd never met Steve and went the crazy cat lady route instead.

It's just insulting when people treat single people like they're "less than" because they aren't married. As if you can't be a whole person without a spouse! WhatEVER! Too often, I see the opposite--married people of both genders who have lost their sense of self because of an abusive, neglectful, or overpowering mate. They aren't happy, they aren't fulfilled. And I seriously doubt any of them think their marriage is the end all and be all of earthly existence. I wonder if the old biddies who nagged them to get married are proud of their achievements?

Maybe it comes down to this: It's no one's business but one's own. This goes for getting married, having a baby, having another baby (or having baby number 8, for that matter), getting a new job/car/hairdo, ordering a hamburger for breakfast, and even when you decide to take down your Christmas tree. I'm sure you can think of other topics that annoying people like to think are their business. Feel free to comment about them here or post a rant on your own blog. Maybe it will get just one person to think twice about asking rude questions that don't concern them.

I feel like starting a "Mind Your Own Business" public service ad campaign. Sort of like "The More You Know," but more helpful. And more hilarious.