Smells Like Teen Spirit

Has anyone ever noticed how ridiculous perfume and cologne names are? Obsession? Really? This is supposed to be a positive thing? We're all longing for stalkers and want to lure them to us with department store perfume? Or Cool Water? Do we really need to spend $60 an ounce to smell like something we can get from the bathroom faucet for free? How about Lovely--Sarah Jessica Parker. Seriously? I can't stop the ironic giggling. They should have named it Bridle or Alfalfa or Seabiscuit.

I think my new job should be thinking up names for new perfumes and colognes. I can think of dozens off the top of my head, but I'll limit myself to a Top 8 of the selections starting with the letter F.

1.) Flange

2.) Flimsy

3.) Fugue

4.) Frilly

5.) Fromage (everything sounds better in French, even cheese)

6.) Façade

7.) Fiasco

8.) Flummox

Don't those sound lovely? I think they fit right in with the scents I see advertised in the glossy magazines. Once again, I wish I hadn't limited myself to a Top 8 list...there was no room for Fussbudget or Fetid.

Freakin' Awesome

It's not something I talk about much, because the dream has died. But once upon a time, I had an imaginary rock band. I was the super-hot and talented lead singer. Various girls I knew and loved were the amazing drummer, guitar player, and bassist, respectively. I'm pretty sure our imaginary band was too cool for keyboards. We had the best wardrobe any band has ever had: we're talking stiletto boots, fringe, leopard print, and fishnets galore. We were HOTT. Everyone wanted us and we were bigger than The Beatles. And all of our imaginary groupies were cute and smart and funny.

My imaginary band was called The Brazen Hussies. It was ironic, see, because we were all the goody-two-shoes, earned-our-white-wedding-dress type girls. (See, the plan was to lure in an audience with the titillating band name...sort of like the band called Free Beer and Pizza.) I mostly started the imaginary band so I could call it by that freakin' awesome imaginary band name. When my freakin' awesome, hilarious friend, Joe, and I discovered our mutual obsession with Dave Barry's "Hey, that would be a great name for a band" running gag, our friendship was sealed. We've been naming imaginary bands ever since. I believe his imaginary band is called Screaming Weasels. That's pretty darn good, but I'm still partial to The Brazen Hussies. It's freakin' awesome.

What would your imaginary band be called? If you can't think of something off the top of your head, maybe this can help you.